I'm supposed to be running the New York City Marathon this weekend. Instead, I'm sitting in the airport lounge in Bogota, Colombia, waiting to head back to Colorado. I will not be running this weekend, and I haven't run at all since May.
It is frustrating as hell.
Last Sunday, I took a 45 minute walk along the Bogota roads, as on Sunday they close down major roads and allow bikers, runners and walkers to use them. I felt myself wanting to run, to join the crowd and just lope along.
But I didn't.
Because I'm still not healed.
As best I can tell, the stress fracture has shored up, but a blown disc in my back has resulted in another MRI, and a referral to a spine specialist, who apparently only calls me back when I'm not available and doesn't answer the phone any time I call. There is also the tear in the cartilage around the joint in my hip that concerns me. The doctor doesn't think its an issue, but I have pain that doesn't quite feel like it's coming from nerves and that has me concerned.
I just want to go for a fricking run.
This is not how I planned the year to go. The CO Marathon was the tune-up, I was going to spend the summer on the mountain with a goal to cut 7 minutes off my Pike's Peak time, and wear my finisher's jacket to the NYC Marathon. I would end the season in Central Park, take some rest time, and then start upping the mileage for a transition to Ultras.
I was going to run 40 miles on my 40th birthday. Now I'm just hoping I am ready to run 4 by then.
I have no idea if I will be able to run anything next year.
What if I can't ever run again?
I'm too young for this.