Sunday, July 31, 2016

Bruno! (Avec Accentuation)

Our house was built by a Frenchman.


In the last month that we have owned our home, we have discovered things about Bruno, whom we have never met, which has occasionally resulted in us shaking our fists in the air in the French manner and shouting "Bruno!"

With emphasis (avec accentuation). In a French accent.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Good Time Girl

When Anita walked into the closing, the first thing we noticed was the fire orange hair. The second thing we noticed was the extremely heavy makeup. She was obviously a bit flustered, and really ready to have this over. She carried a large handbag and was wearing a leopard print shirt.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Plant Sitting

A couple of weeks before we closed on our house, a friend of mine went out of the country and asked me to come over a couple of times to water the plants. Since she was, in fact, referring to not only her plants but the plants I asked her to watch for ME while we were between housing situations, how could I say no?

So, she gave me the garage code and the alarm code, told me how to turn off the sensors before they called the police, and left me a vase to water the flowers on her front and back porches. We figured we were set.

Let me tell you about all the ways I can screw up simple tasks, like say, closing and locking doors.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Scrub-a-Dub, or "Why Is It Taking SO Long to Unpack?"

We lived in four caretaker houses in the last year (and totally drank wine in a fifth, then packed everything back out again). Our deal with caretakers was that the clock started ticking the moment we stepped over the threshold: 5 days, and that place better be ready to show. Furniture set up, d├ęcor out, boxes tucked away. People thought we were crazy - how can you be ready to go in five days, but each time, we were.

It has now been 19 days since we moved into our "own" place, and there are still 4 boxes in the living room that I haven't opened. There are empty spaces above the kitchen cabinets, a bare wall above the fire place, and closets I haven't touched. Why is this taking so darn long??

Well, the answer to that is two-fold.

1) We really did only ever unpack a tiny fraction of what we owned each time we moved, and still have a ton of stuff, despite not one but TWO garage sales, Craigslist ads and several well-timed runs to Goodwill.

2) Dirt.

Friday, July 8, 2016

A New Chapter

Some time in December, 2014, we decided to sell our home. This singular decision ushered in 18 months of unexpected adventures, including selling our house in less than 24 hours, falling into the caretaking business, multiple crazy garage sales, moving between 5.75 homes (the house we sold, the House in the Woods, the House on the Prairie, the House in Town, that house we only kinda moved into, House 6, and our friends' home), dealing with buyers, real estate agents, sellers, repairs of every kind imaginable and then some, poop, animals, some travel thrown in there, frustration, hilarity, and a more or less permanent sense of never really knowing what was coming next.

June 25, that story came to an end. We are happy to report, we (after a little drama and delay) CLOSED on our own home. We are homeowners again, and ready to start our new adventure.