Thursday, May 7, 2015

The Weird Woods

We live in the woods for right now. I totally dig it. In some ways, I feel like my whole life has prepped me to take this on (even though I know it's temporary, which is ok, because as a social worker, I would never be able to afford to live in a half million dollar home.) We live down the street from a Christian camp - Colleen and I both went to camp as kids. We have a well and a septic - my parents' house AND cottage both are on wells and septics (and my parents have a hot tub as a bonus kicker, so I actually know how to test pH). Not to mention that one time my parents septic backed up into the yard...

Even the pine trees around here remind me of the pine trees at the cottage. Granted, the mule deer are much bigger than the white-tail at the cottage, and the basement flooded and not the yard, but there are similarities.


That doesn't mean that because I'm prepared to live here, there isn't just WIERDNESS in this house!

The ceiling of the great room is made of wood slats. From a distance, they look really cool. From the loft, you can see everywhere the roof leaked over the years. There are stains everywhere.
Single Kokopelli with a terribly
placed switch... think about it, then
see bottom of this blog
 for more examples.

The ceiling makes cracking noises. Every. night. I swear one of these nights it's coming down.

There are more light switches in this house than anywhere else I have ever lived.

Only half of them work.

A couple of them work "sometimes." Oh, and did I mention that the homeowners has some sort of obsession with decorative light switch covers? Like the multiple Kokopelli's over the top of the switches. Or the multiple horses. Or the one with the bear. Or the tree. Or the one with the cats. Or the one with the cherubim. Or the one with the upside down goat.


I've already mentioned the toilet, but in case I you don't remember: there is a random toilet in the basement. The homeowner finished the basement about 6 months ago, putting in a bedroom down there, carpet, and roughed in what we assume will be a half-bath. However, there are no walls to the bathroom space, just an area that doesn't have carpet. And a toilet. A toilet that is sitting next to the plumbing, but not connected to anything.
Look! A toliet! Doesn't it just make
the room?

Please do not use this toilet if you come to visit. Please.

The master bedroom bathroom was also completely remodeled in the last six months (this is where the grout-encrusted towel that got stuck in septic came from.) However, there is one thing missing.

A bathtub.

The plumbing for the bathtub sticks out of the floor. No tub, just the plumbing.


Eric actually asked the homeowner about this. His reply? "Oh, I thought that the new homeowners would want to choose their own tub. That's a really personal decision."

Umm, really? Cause our first reaction to the bathroom was, "ohh look at the...holy crap there's no tub."

I staged the bathroom with a three tier table I found in a spare bedroom to try to hide the plumbing stubs as best I could. Pretty sure it didn't work.

Add in that the internet, home phone, and cell phone don't quite work right out in this house, a water feature that water disappears from within hours of adding water, and you've got just generalized weirdness.

And raccoons.

And deer.

And more hummingbirds than you would think live in any given area.

It's a fun, weird place.

But why have one Kokopelli
when you can have two?!?
Just in case you don't know what the kitchen is for.

This. In the mud room.
My personal favorite. Note not ONLY the upside down cave
drawing of a goat, in what must have been a very strategically
conceptualized location (next to the front door), BUT
two of these switches do not work. Fantastic.

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